I slunk down deep into my armchair and let the defeat wash over me. The tears streamed down my face like a waterfall; Shame had encapsulated my heart- it was all I knew. I wore it daily like a coat and clung to the “security” it provided for me.
“If they only knew what I’ve done, then they would know how disgusting I truly am.”
“If they knew truly what I have done with those men, then they wouldn’t really accept me.”
“I am such a burden to everyone. No one will ever stick around.”
A constant ringing in my ears of the lies that played on repeat. The lies had become my truth and I couldn’t see past what shame was letting me view.
Isn’t it funny what we will believe about ourselves? Maybe at some point in our minds the lines between what was our foundation of truth became twisted and we believed the worst about ourselves. Maybe we allowed doubt, insecurity, shame and darkness to cloud over what was once flourishing in the light. It reminds me of the question God asks Adam in the garden. The serpent had done his job of weaving shame (their eyes awakened to their nakedness) and distrust (in God and what He had spoken over them) into their minds.
God says to Adam “who told you that you were naked?” In a way He was saying “Adam, whose voice have you been listening to? Because it is not mine!”
In my battle against shame, I often stared at myself in my bathroom mirror and asked myself that same question; “Who told you that?” That one question has the power to divide between the lies and the truth if only you can find the courage to just speak it out.
Skye Sealey is a blogger and passionate about seeing women discover their best selves. www.skyesealey.com