The World At Our Doorstep by Dr. Tim Tang

Well, it’s wedding season. For most people this happens once in their lives. It’s a big occasion. Some people dream and plan about it for years (sometimes before they even meet their spouse!) and yet for others, they seem to just “fall” onto the date.

After almost 50 weddings, I think I can say I’ve seen my fair share of couples. I know with a sober mind, that marriages aren’t easy. I don’t think I need to go into detail too much about that. But needless to say, it’s with a lot of fear and trembling that I officiate, pray, and conduct weddings. Two individuals, with usually very different backgrounds, not to mention the different genders coming together; it’s never a walk in the park.

In most of my premarital sessions, one of the keys I’ve tried to emphasize is just to acknowledge how different the other person is from you. Depending on who we are, we all respond to that in our own ways. For some of us, we hope that the other person can be “just like us” if not now, maybe one day. For others, we just shrug our shoulders and try to tolerate through those dissimilarities. Yet for some, we take a mutual interest in the other person, not because they’re like us, but precisely because they’re not like us. And that we need them: to see what we don’t see, to do what we cannot do.

On a wider scale, but perhaps not as intimate as a marriage relationship, is the challenge of real multiculturalism in our day. That when people of different backgrounds come together, to realize that our differences are not just skin deep. They permeate our values, our expectations, and perceptions of the world; no wonder real multiculturalism is so difficult. And yet few of us are able to get to that point of mutual interest in the other, not because they’re like us, but precisely because they’re not like us. And that we need them: to see what we don’t see, to do what we cannot do.

The reality is, especially here in places like Toronto, the world has come to our doorstep. In fact in Canada, it’s reported that by 2036, nearly half of Canadians will be immigrants or the children of immigrants. This is our world today. Will we fight those changes? Will we hope that people that don’t look like us will hopefully one day act like us? Or, will we be able to get to that point of mutual interest in the other, not because they’re like us, but precisely because they’re not like us. And that we need them: to see what we don’t see, to do what we cannot do.