My Deepest Fear

My Deepest Fear. Getting Old.

It seems so ridiculous because it’s inevitable, but it’s been a fear of mine since I got divorced in my mid/late 30’s .. and I realized that I’m no spring chicken. That I really was all grown-up. 

The difficulty about getting old is .. It’s  just .. the getting old. The process. The many changes. The peri-menopause. The menopause. The ‘I can’t do cartwheels anymore without feeling it for days’ part of it all. The creaky bones. The hair loss. The sagging skin. The eyesight failing. The body failing. The clothes not fitting. That people will look at you as irrelevant. Antiquated. Forgotten. That you’re closer to death and dying.

I’ll be honest. I’ve benefitted from being young. I have received a lot of opportunities as a young, Gen X’er over the years. And for a long time I believed this:

That YOUTH = beauty, opportunity

THAT GETTING OLD = not beautiful, no opportunities

 SUCH LIES.

The truth is .. this process has been long and complicated for me. Struggling with my own personal issues of beauty, acceptance, and self-worth.

I have come to realize AND truly believe that true beauty comes from within .. from who I am in and within Christ.

That God would still love me, adore me and find me worthy at ANY AGE

That’s so beautiful. I can receive that truth every.single.day.