This blog is for the woman who struggles with setting boundaries in her relationships. The one
who wants to say no, but can’t allow the words to roll off her tongue. The woman who wants to
honour herself and her needs but her need for approval is greater. And for the one who wants to
create space for more peaceful and life-giving relationships but doesn’t know where to start.
To ensure we are all on the same page, let’s begin by defining boundaries, Nedra Glover
Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace defines boundaries as, “…expectations and
needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships.” Key word is, YOU –
boundaries are highly personal.
Boundaries inform others how we would like our relationship to function with them. It’s like a
fence meant to keep people in, not push them out. Boundaries ensure you live a life that reflects
your values and varies in different relationships.
Most of us have experienced the impacts of not setting boundaries-anger and resentment.
Perhaps we respond by avoiding certain relationships, topics or expressing our emotions in
passive aggressively. In extreme cases, lack of boundaries can cause codependence whereas
individuals are dictated by other people’s needs and their self-worth is rooted in being liked and
So let’s imagine for a moment, that you became a woman who honoured her boundaries. Who
sets limits and sticks to them. What would life look like? What would be the cost? The benefits?
Do you like what you see? If so, here are 5 steps to work towards becoming that woman:
1. Practice respecting your own boundaries. If you said you were going to leave a friends
house at 9pm, leave at 9pm. When people see you sticking to your boundaries, they
will take your boundaries more seriously.
2. Practice being assertive in low stakes situations. Such as informing the waiter if your
order is wrong or sharing your opinion in a work meeting.
3. Embrace the guilt. Setting new boundaries may cause uncomfortable feelings to surface.
Instead of trying to avoid those emotions, practice sitting with them. Notice the feelings
and remind yourself that feelings are not facts and discomfort is inevitable with change.
4. Lean into the Holy Spirit. Boundaries are great, but honouring God in our relationships is
the ultimate goal. Therefore always check in with the Holy Spirit for direction in your
Remember, boundaries are meant to work for you and your relationships. The more steps you
take to setting boundaries, the easier it will become.
You got this!